Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Gigolow

"Hey! Pretty lady! I have coffee, you want?"

I left the demo fuming yesterday and wanting to draw blood out of someone and anyone, and luckily found that my friend Hadeel had sent this by someone called Karin Badt (“professor of cinema and theatre in France”).

In the days before the Internet, Debbie and Mike and Jason and Sharon parachuted into a country for ten days, observed the country through a tour bus window or experienced meaningless encounters with tourist industry workers whose “friendship” they construed as a rare window into the hidden world of this ancient land and its mysterious people.

Debbie and Mike and Jason and Sharon might share their reflections during the photo slideshow in their living rooms, in between having a laugh about the image of them pointing at the hieroglyphic with the erect penis. A postcard is possibly the extent to which these reflections would be recorded for posterity.

But now, thanks to the Internet and lax submissions policies, the whole world can read that fucking postcard.

Badt’s path has quite clearly crossed with an obnoxious, salacious hustler in Luxor whose bit of patter and apparent attempt to get her in bed she misinterpreted as an anthropological examination of Egypt’s sexual mores.

Or maybe she did indeed stumble across a concealed pearl (“Mike/Mohammed”) in the algae of Luxor’s tourist touts. Let us examine the evidence. I suspect Mike/Mohammed is a figment of Badt’s imagination but we’ll ignore that and proceed.

The first paragraph reads like a Mills & Boone novel. Maybe Badt’s being ironic. We’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and move on, but not before pointing out that most of my female friends if asked whether they “would like to know the difference between making love to an Egyptian woman and a European woman” by some turd would tell him to shove his wisdom up his arse and exit-left immediately.

Badt however senses she is being admitted into an inner chamber and says “yes”.

Mike/Mohammed informs Badt that his first step as a Don Juan began in pubs in the English countryside where he had “experiences with European women”. Mike claims to be stunned the first time he is set upon by one of the lady predators in the pub and describes his “it’s no coffee!” encounter with the innocence of a choirboy invited to polish the church silver by Father McRandy.

Note also the “the sun setting in the desert hills behind him, with the Valley of the Kings just beyond”- scene-setting with the finesse and subtlety of a “your name in papyrus” souvenir.

I didn’t know this but apparently in England it’s considered vulgar to ask for sex and people offer coffee instead – fancy! All those missed opportunities I misinterpreted in job interviews etc. But again this is Mike/Mohammed describing his fascinating encounters in the UK and obviously not actually Badt making up a load of old shite.

Mike/Mohammed was taught to give pleasure by a “British lady” through “using his mind” to “resist for one hour” [Mike/Mohammed apparently slept with Paul Mckenna]. Again, right-minded women who had made it this far into the conversation would deduce that douchebag Mike/Mohammed is offering coffee, but Badt is either oblivious or feels that duty calls and she must resist.

The conversation turns to Egyptian women and Mohammed/Mike “looks downcast”, as well he might given that his first attempt to get into Badt’s knickers failed.

Apparently, ALL women are circumcised/circumsized [sic] in Egypt and sex is a painful, two-minute affair for women and merely a “chance to relieve themselves” for men – who lucky for all the circumcised/circumsized women haven’t had Mike/Mohammed’s Paul Mckenna experience.

Mike/Mohammed was once married but the union failed because he married an inanimate object.

“She was a board,” he said. “That’s why the marriage failed”.

Confirming his douchebag factor +100 Mike/Mohammed tells Badt that he and the board had one son that he has never seen. The marriage was arranged of course – “as are most in Egypt” but the difference is that his was arranged in a hardware store because he married a board and he’s a tool.

There is then the inevitable description of sex with circumsized/circumcised women the reading of which is arguably more painful than the act itself.

“I had known what it is like to have sex with a woman who has pleasure, and it’s such a difference. Egyptian women don’t feel anything!” Mike/Mohammed says breathlessly, possibly while gyrating his hips.

Badt points out that Mike/Mohammed had just told her that “there’s a sex trade in Cairo [and Luxor, and it’s sitting with you]” and we think she’s finally catching on, but alas it was only to ask whether “all prostitutes are circumscribed [sic]”.

Mike/Mohammed, Luxor’s answer to Dr. Heba Qotb, says that of course they are all, but whether he’s talking about FGM or the enclosure of prostitutes within defined bounds is uncertain.

Mike/Mohammed makes another attempt at Badt by telling her that he’s “lonely” in Luxor and spends his days with tourists to “pass the time” wink wink. “Like with you, we had a chance to talk, and so we passed the time. And I will never marry again, I’ll just have an affair here and there, that’s it – and have you got the bloody message yet you stupid woman”.

Mike/Mohammed’s attempts fail but even as he is dropping Badt off he is making a last-ditch attempt, telling her about an Australian girl with whom “he had the opportunity to spend the night”.

The account ends with a UN statistic about the number of women in Egypt who have undergone FGM in Egypt, and a picture of a pharaoh.

I am so sick of chancers making green out of Egypt with tinpot bullshit like this.

Badt, sweetheart, if you want to discuss FGM, talk to an expert and circumcised women. If you want to discuss sexual relations in Egypt talk to more than one person and preferably have a point to the whole exercise.

If however you want to peddle stereotypes about British women, fetishise Egyptian men and reproduce bullshit about Egypt “substantiated” by a half-arsed paragraph at the bottom, then mission successful.

Does the Huffington Post pay for submissions? Pay me. I’ll sing you any motherfucking tune you want to hear.

8 comments:

Akhenaten said...

I remember reading Badt's article a while ago. The date on her article is 2008. Needless to say, it was garbage. I don't think she will respond though.
Funny post!

بتنفس حريه said...

Well done! like your response

betatester5 said...

since the english prefer tea(older generations anyhow), it should be obvious that a coffee offer could be more than just coffee.. on the other hand, one should be cautious if a french offers tea and it's a well known fact that the egyptian quickie-mating call is an invitation for hibiscus drinks.

the 97% never seemed right to me, 97% is virtually everyone. the practice is more common in upper hinterland than in urban or delta/north.. and virtually non-existent among educated/middle classes regardless of the region.

a study in 1985 by badawi estimated around 80%
http://www.nocirc.org/symposia/first/badawi.html
which is in my opinion quite flawed considering the very small sample. the trend however was consistently declining..in another survery conducted on women who underwent it; more than 90% said they will never let it happen to their daughters(not surprising)

and then the 1995 statistic that came-up with 97% and everybody took it as factual and undebatable.(including obviously the frog who wrote the fictional anecdote)

that study was indeed funded by the WHO but not carried out under any independent observers or researchers. the whole study was under the e health ministry supervision and some parties may have had an agenda in exaggerating results. shocking numbers=more WHO/UNICEF funding to tackle the problem. the study numbers could be real if you go to one village in upper e and ask all the women and bingo!97%..of course the government will tell the UN that the study was conducted all over the nation and the subjects were selected at random to cover all demographics.

take most of the WHO money for your personal accounts(corruption in e?unbelievable!) and the remaining to address the problem and educate people. 10 years later come up with another survey showing a sharp decline but naturally not enough(from 97%) and hey WHO we need more money
http://www.unhcr.org/refworld/country,,,,EGY,456d621e2,4b9a1e849,0.html


in my opinion, there have never been proper studies in e and all those numbers are questionable. one cannot estimate but personally i doubt if it will be more than 50%

the practice has 2 'variations': one is mostly superficial and has little affect on libido..nonetheless very painful and brutal, the second one is the extreme, the clean-up aka pharaonic... the latter is the one common in saeed.

as indicated by its name, the practice predates islam, has nothing to do with the religion and probably the reason why it's much more common in e, sudan and some other african nations than in arab/islamic countries.

there have been some studies regarding the origin of it and why it was performed in ancient e but none can be taken seriously.. i guess the most valid reason is the one expressed by rabbi enkin: e was an immoral country and maybe women couldn't control themselves
http://hirhurim.blogspot.com/2010/01/living-in-egypt.html

perhaps the practice came into existence after some e women- including the pharaoh's wife- went crazy over joseph?

Forsoothsayer said...

dude, the woman just wrote down her account of a conversation she had. she was also probably well aware that he was trying to get into her pants. that doesn't mean he didn't say what he said. she never said "and i took everything he was saying as gospel truth and you should too." it's a blog. cut her some slack.
besides, i don't see how it's completely outlandish to believe that sex with a circumcised woman is probably not a lot of fun.

Sarah Carr said...

Betatester5: Who knows.

Forsooth: What he said is of no value to anyone. It's a waste of space and I wouldn't have commented except for the reasons in the last two paragraphs of my rant.

You're the only person I know who did not find her piece odious.

betatester5 said...

ما فيش فايده - لقد اتصلت بقناعه ان الله يكره هذا البلد و يكرها اهلها- على مدار التاريخ كانت مر فترات اضمحلال بين الممالك و تستمر فترات الضمحلال لمئات السنبن - مما يعنى ان حدوث نهضه او تطور بشكل متواصل لا يحدث فى م و لابد من من انكسار و هذا هو حال م منذ ابد التاريخ و فعليا لم يحكم م بعدل و اهم على مصالحها منذ دولة البطالمه حتى اضاعت تلك العاهره كليوباترا امبراطويتين فى معركه واحده - اكتيوم - للرومان و استمر الاضمحلال منذ حينها - اى اكثر من قرنين - فيما من بغض السنين النهضويه بعد الغزو العربي و لكنها فى المجمل كانت لتصب لمصلحة دولة الخلافه و ليس مصالح م و ان حدث التطور فهو بطبيعة الحال و لكن ليس بدون استغلال الشعب م و هو نفس الحال حتى يومنا هذا- انها الدوله الوحيده التى اصابها الوباء ٣ مرات -على الاقل- فى التاريخ الموثق- و هذا دليل على غضب الاهى

fact: ancient e were willingly bald, the entire nation shaved their heads, including children..those statues or engravings you see with rastafarian hair are actually wigs. only nobles and the eltie could afford those wigs. studies claim that that was due to lice which seems to be an infestation throughout entire ancient e history. according to torah/old testament and the qur'an, it was God's wrath to punish all e with the plague because the pharaoh(possibly ramses2) was blasphemous.. which is grave injustice to punish an entire nation because of one man

it seems e is destined to be doomed till kingdom come..and that is God/Allah/Jehovah/whatever's will. yeah..i'm border-line blasephmous but i'm fed up

Troja said...

You are truyl fucking funny!

Nah·det Masr said...

I agree with every word in that article; I did myself have a similar experience, and yes, sex in Egypt (from personal experience) is not fun because most Egyptian females have undergone FGM, it is very hard for them to have an orgasm, so they end up hating the whole thing, and -believe it or not- that's a main reason behind the high percentage of divorce we have right now. You want to be positive; fight FGM, and be open about what it does to women...