الناس كلها عايزة تاخد تأشيرة .. وتروح المانيا عشان تزورك وتقولك ألف مليون سلامة عليك .. وحمدالله علي سلامتك .
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Mubarak’s triumphant return to the homeland in his carpet slippers has, as usual, caused an outbreak of nauseating sycophancy and puke-inducing paeans worthy of a Greek deity.
His highness glided down on Saturday from his plane onto terra firma via an electronic staircase (beat that, ElBaRaDEi!!). The speed at which he was conveyed southwards reminded me of that moving belt at Yo Sushi restaurants. Next to him was that dish Suzie, looking tremendously spritely in contrast to Le Hoz, who wobbled into the arms of the waiting notables, where he was embraced.
There was a minor discussion on Twitter and Facebook about why he didn’t kiss Pope Shenouda when everyone else got a cheek to cheek. It was decided that since Pope Shenouda was granted the longest chat with Mr M – complete with trademark jokey finger-wagging (oh, but he’s such a card that Hosny!) – Mubarak made up for it.
Even while the electronic stairs were still rolling the tributes begun. I was listening to the radio on the way to the cinema when normal programming was interrupted for a NEWSFLASH of officials’ responses to Hosny’s return, each trying to outdo the other for grandiloquence and arse-kissing.
That gnome Fathy Sorour declared that “Mubarak is the father of all Egyptians and the father has returned to his children”.
The gold star however goes to the sinister Safwat Al-Sherif, who affirmed that the President’s airplane touching down in Egypt was akin to “the soul returning to Egypt’s sons”. By my analysis Safwat means that either:
- Egypt’s citizens were all dead without realising it until last week
- Mubarak has re-possessed us all after a brief hiatus.
Shereen meanwhile ensured prime concert bookings in the best and most profitable locations for the duration of the current regime with this offering.
No-one though can hope to outdo journalist Momtaz El-Qot, a man who seems to live for toadying, who has made of it his raison d'etre.
His last memorable episode was on Mubarak’s birthday, when he published a picture of the man on his rag’s front page with a giant headline something along the lines of, EGYPT’S HISTORY BEGAN WITH YOU (if someone has a link please send. I’m sure I’ve got the sentiment right but the wording wrong).
Never missing an opportunity, while Mubarak was convalescing in Germany, Momtaz penned him an imaginary letter from the (imaginary) Egyptian people expressing their (imaginary) love in colloquial Egyptian Arabic.
I’ve copy-pasted some of it below with links which I think illustrate the wonderful truths of Mubarak’s Egypt which Momtaz so lovingly lists. I stopped near the end because quite frankly, Momtaz has more stamina for obsequiousness than I do for finding links and keeping the bile down.
English only readers: as you can see, it’s in Arabic – sorry darlings.
NOTE: I realise that having an English introduction for something in Arabic on an English-language blog is a bit odd. But then so am I, so logic to the wind!
*This is a deliberate title not a cock-up. Copy-paste it into your browser cos the hyperlinking's gone mad.