Call me Mr Kink

A scene from yesterday night’s Nafeza 3al 3alam, shown on Vile TV:

Beeso and Hamosto are sitting in Beeso’s new office, on his new red leather sofa. The sofa matches Tamer Hagras’ face, which looks like it’s taking the Hussein Fahmy route, complexion-wise. He more than made up for this yesterday however in the gym scene, during the watching of which I remembered that I was a woman.

A theme running throughout the series has been Beeso’s unfamiliarity with the English language and consequent confusion whenever girlfriend Hamsa - ‘Hamosty’ to Beeso – insists on peppering her speech with beginner’s English, for purposes of this storyline. It is also so that we know that Beeso, while he is a fine strapping figure of a man and king of the alley and a geezer, is also a commoner, thus preparing for the Heathcliff and Catherine-type storm which will erupt when he asks Hamozto’s dad, ‘Dr Shams’, if he can marry her. We all know that Dr Shams will eventually agree, if for no other reason that no other right-thinking man would marry his daughter, the woman who only speaks in exclamation marks such is her delight about being alive.

Beeso and Hamosto are engaged in a discussion of which colours suit him/his face which began after Hamosto criticised Beeso’s long red pride and joy, which she is now sitting on.

Hamosto: !Sa7ee7 ya Beeso!! Pink laye2 3alayk awi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vile TV translation: It’s true Beeso, pink really does suit you! (i.e. it matches your face)

Beeso: [Pause] Bink? Aih bink dah?
Vile TV translation: Kink? What’s kink?

Hamosto: [Laughs demurely and delightfully] !Mesh bink ya Beeso! PINK!!! PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vile TV translation: Not kink, Beeso, PINK, PINK!

Kink for bink? This seemingly deliberate 1984ish mis-translation of what was actually said can only mean one of four things:

1. Vile TV translators are under the impression that bink is actually a valid alternative to pink in English. A horrendous proposition, and improbable, but not that improbable if - being dishless as I am and therefore exposed to copious amount of terrestrial television - you are cognisant of the frequent and remorseless onslaught of imposter Bs with identity crises in subtitling.

2. This was some sort of highly ironic, arch humour cocking a snoop at the p/b confusion.

3. Foreigners would not understand the joke if bink was rendered as bink (see 1, above).

4. It was a typo.

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Nafeza 3al 3alam remains the undisputed king of this year’s Ramadan soap offerings. I gave up on Hanan we Haneen or whatever that vehicle for Omar Sherif is called after the 2nd or 3rd episode, after the scene in which he recited Salah Jaheen on the steps of a NY library while gesticulating with one arm. 3agaby! my arse. 2adeyet ra2yee 3am is no good because it has Yosra and her teeth in it, while el Daaly would be bearable but for Nour el Sherif’s odd Friar Tuck hairdo. Yehia el-Fakharany as 7amada is always fun to watch, but the oedipal nature of his relationship with his mother, and the H sewed on all his pyjamas and galabeyyas I find disconcerting.

In defiance of convention, Tamer H wears hand-me-up trousers, given to him by small children once they have grown out of them.