Sunday, February 04, 2007

With or without you, preferably without

Ahhh Sir Bono. Where would the world be without you, Mr Paul Hewson? Who else, apart possibly from Princess Di, could fill your leather trousers as they roam the world combating global hunger with such finesse, and such big sunglasses? While you claim that you wear them because of an eye condition, we all know the truth: It is to conserve the beneficent glare of your luminosity, which you save for African villages and meetings of the World Economic Forum. But luckily for the rest of us, your share your light with us verbally, and we are all richer for the wisdom you send down to us.

Take for example the following gem, in which you are asked to describe a concert which changed your life:

The Clash
Trinity College, Dublin, 1977

Bono: Can't remember the set list, can't remember much about the music, to be honest. I just know that everything changed that night, and I'm sure it was not just for me. Year zero. The shock of the new, where everything reconfigured. The venue was the exam hall of Trinity College, founded by Bishop Berkeley 300 odd years previously ... the man who spent his entire existence trying to prove the existence of existence. I'm not kidding. He also had a corner of San Francisco named after him. Other reconfigurations, other revolts.
It wasn't so much a musical event. It was more like the Red Army had arrived, on a cold October night, to force feed a new cultural revolution, punk rock. Marching boots and the smell of sulphur. Not weed or speed but fear, fear of the future, no future. And the delight, so much delight. All kinds of symbols pinned on jackets, some ridiculous swastikas, Red Brigade t-shirts, hand made knock-offs of extremely expensive Seditionaries threads from London. But as there was a war going on 100 miles from here, in a strange way, the Clash made more sense in Dublin than anywhere.
As I sat in the box room and stared out the window the next day, it was very clear. The world is more malleable than you think; reality is what you can get away with.

Delight indeed.

Sulphur is of course the smell of flatulence, but we all know that you meant the smell of revolution. You have of course acquired the patent for this smell - which was created by Bolivian farmers using extant samples of Che Guevara’s sweat - and you will be bottling it under the name Twat pour homme. All proceeds will of course go to charity.

Clerics are currently preparing an official interpretation of your comment “the world is more malleable than you think; reality is what you can get away with” in order to counter the stone hearted individuals who accuse you of being a pseud and claim that this statement is in reality an oblique acknowledgement by Your Eminence that one can get away with the most pompous pretentious nonsense as long as it’s for charity. Achtung baby.


fully_polynomial said...

bas el edge is too cool, walla aih?

Amnesiac said...

If he is at all cool, it is only because he doesn't speak in public.

Sand-E Sez said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sand-E Sez said...

Bono's got this voodoo magical mystique about him. I'm sure u know and realize that most of the world with the means and capabilities to do something that may impact those a lot less fortunate simply live in this bubble desperately looking for a reason or person to make them cool, worthy and or valuable. He’s simply an opportunist who has ceased the day and capitalized on all this to suit his own agenda. And though he might have a following that is not necessarily "in tune" with how stuff goes down on the scale mondiale, It is my humble opinion that he should be given credit for the simple fact that the end result is one and the same. He has this power to 1) captivate people and hence listen and 2) reach into their pockets and dish it out into all these venues and causes that he has deemed worthy. I mean really isn’t this what really good TV is made of? Plots and actions to take over the world…

Amnesiac said...

Mad props to Bono for his good deeds, I just wish he'd stop making comments like these which make him sound like a pseudo intellectual prat.

Jester said...

Bono can kiss my ass, so can Madonna, and Anjelina...Wow that's incredibly empowering, wait...Di Caprio can kiss my ass, Clooney, Damon, Pitt, they all can kiss it, muwah muwah muwah!...I feel better now, I'll be alright.

Amnesiac said...

Howa aih 7ekayat el asses 3andak today? Asstonishing. Ha ha.