A round-up of stuff which has happened so far:
1. Had wicked never-ending conversations with Mildred’s wonderful 3 year old daughter who responds to everything with why? Example:
Kid: [Pointing] What’s that?
Amnesiac: A belly button ring.
Amnesiac: I got it cos I like it.
Amnesiac: Cos it’s blue.
Amnesiac: Cos I like blue.
These conversations have the potential to – but usually don’t – end in exciting existentialist conclusions. Two hours later.
2. Had eyebrows threaded by a woman who, judging by the pain, was using a pickaxe. She commented on my lack of swearing, screams or any other expression of agony. I didn’t possess sufficient Arabic vocabulary to explain to her that I had in fact got into shock.
3. Acquired and I hope lost a stalker.
4. Got duped into visiting the extravagantly-named Blue Hole, which is in fact just a bit of sea. The trip was made worthwhile however by this exchange at the checkpoint which leads to the Blue Hole:
The Pig: Hello. Is this the correct direction for the Blue Hole?
Checkpoint officer: Yes.
The Pig: Thanks.
Checkpoint officer: Where are you going?
5. Went with friend Sharshar to a martial arts studio to pursue my secret ambition of becoming a professional kickboxer. Sharshar also nurses a desire to be a ninja. We were both delighted to be taken into the Sensu/manager’s office which was so dimly lit it felt like we had walked into a mine, and whose red lighting gave it a brothel-type effect. It had all the kitsch of a Quentin Tarantino film, Sensu guy sitting bald and buff behind his desk which (I could just about make out) displayed a selection of ‘self-discovery through sword fighting’ type publications. The effect was only marred by Sharshar being forced to lower his not inconsiderable mass into a beanbag (mysteriously there was only one chair and yet three beanbags), and audibly suppressing laughter and ninja noises.
6. Made outrageously half-hearted attempts to find a job, while telling myself that some wowzers blazers human rights gig will fortuitously materialise in a poof out of thin air/Erin Brockovich style-ee.